Think about the last time you sat at the DMV, or waited in line at the grocery store, or sat in traffic. There are so many moments we have an impulse to reach for our phone, scroll through instagram or put on something to entertain. Anything to spare us this passing discomfort.
However, in these moments of tension, our lives can open up in new ways.
When we work to avoid the discomfort of life we lose the opportunity to sit with what is there, noticing feelings as they arise. We lose the present moment. And this moment is where a full relationship with ourselves can unfold. Being present allows us to be more empathic, self-aware, and kinder to ourselves and others.
This is important because many people struggle with the day-to-dayness of life because we live in a world constantly calling us away from ourselves. Along with the ability to sit with difficult feelings and listen to our needs – which is a learned skill and a muscle that needs attention to prevent atrophy.
It’s hard to get our needs met when we are avoidant.
When we are working so hard to sidestep difficult moments, we also lose the beautiful ones as well.
Anyone with children knows the hardships and joys that come along with parenting. You can’t have one without the other. It would be like saying, I really want to enjoy a day at the beach, but I don’t want to deal with sand, getting wet, or being outside. The sand, the water, and being outside goes along with a day at the beach. And while it can be sandy, wet, and hot, it can also be glorious and beautiful and a worthwhile endeavor. Not to mention fun!
Or when people say, I want to travel … but I don’t want to deal with buying plane tickets, booking accommodations, waiting in lines, or packing a suitcase.
Or I want great friends … but I don’t want to deal with providing emotional support and care, making time to spend together, or listening to their problems.
Life is a tiring, troublesome experience; it is only the delight in doing and experiencing that gives it its charm. This charm includes the difficult moments as well.
Here are some ideas to keep in mind:
- Going through something hard is a good thing, it doesn’t mean you are a failure or doing something wrong
- Struggle is an opportunity to learn something new about yourself
- Putting yourself in new and uncomfortable situations can bring about feelings of adventure and spontaneity
- Don’t spare yourself negative feelings, they are feelings too and deserve to be seen
Discomfort is good, it is part of the full experience. We can’t avoid the struggles of life but we can reframe them into an opportunity for growth.
