- Life (and death): We are alive, we will die, and we make choices that impact the in-between. Our job is to find a way to cope with these realities and enjoy life as much as possible.
- Meaning (and absurdity): The universe can be absurd and chaotic as we tumble into space on our little blue planet. How we find meaning and purpose will determine our experience.
- Freedom (and determination): as philosopher Jean-Paul Satre put it, “We are condemned to be free,” meaning we have a responsibility in our choices and, therefore, our life experiences. While many external factors impact our experience of life, we can decide to ease the burden or create more distress for ourselves.
- Isolation (and community): Ultimately, no matter how close someone is to you, no one will ever fully know what it is like to be you. Existential loneliness is related to being conscious; however, finding community and authentic relationships can alleviate our distress and help us cope.
Finding ways to grapple with these four realities is a path toward self-actualization and gaining more from our daily life experiences.
To live gracefully, being aware of our subconscious thoughts and behavioral patterns is important.
I think of it as a blueprint you were handed in your formative years—when we are children, we are born into a particular family, to a particular generation, in a particular cultural time that impacts how we see the world. This blueprint may benefit you in some ways but also cause you to feel stuck, confused, or acting through an outdated narrative.
The other day, I listened to a celebrity gossip podcast hosted by sisters who grew up in Orange County. When they were asked about plastic surgery, I was struck by the comment, “Doesn’t everyone have someone in their family who has had plastic surgery?”
I’m not sure if this is true, but this is a very different way of seeing the world than my rural Georgia background. If someone in my hometown got plastic surgery, they would never discuss it openly. We were taught being overly interested in appearances is superficial and morally questionable.
While this way of thinking isn’t good or bad – it is different.
My rural Georgia background is good in some ways (respecting the value of a dollar, practicing good manners, and understanding the value of a good day’s work) but bad in others (being overly self-sufficient, not having enough interest in the arts, the way self-indulgence is seen as baffling and offensive, and God forbid never tell your problems to others).
Our job is to look down at your blueprint and decide what to do with it.
For me, botox doesn’t particularly appeal – only because I resent that it’s yet another appointment women have to make and pay for – but I love to be pampered. I live for a facial, a day at the spa, shopping, traveling to a gorgeous location for a gorgeous vacation, and doing nothing all day in gorgeous clothes.
I have also made my living encouraging others to openly share their hurts, traumas, thoughts, feelings, longings, fears, and dreams and to allow themselves to rely on me emotionally.
All this to say, our inner blueprint creates cognitive dissonance if we aren’t willing to look at it honestly. It would be impossible to fit who you are perfectly because times have changed and so have you.
By looking at our subconscious blueprint and creating self-awareness, we can find a greater sense of purpose, meaning, and satisfaction in life. We can better connect with ourselves and others and take responsibility for our decisions rather than act out of old conditioning.
Just for today, ask yourself what works best for you. How do you want to live in a way that is authentic, connected, and enjoyable? You may have gotten a lot of messages about who you should be; today, I encourage you to be who you are.
We will have more practical tips on how to get more from life on Thursday. See you on the blog!
