We also seek greater understanding through nuance. We understand that we are rarely only one thing or the other but often contain complexity, texture, multitude, possibility, and creativity. When we engage in overly black-and-white, evaluative, or judgmental thinking, we might be relating from an I-it perspective.
This can also apply to the relationship we have with ourselves.
When we constantly push or speak negatively to ourselves, we project what should be by relating to ourselves as objects. Life becomes a tightrope of either victory or defeat. One wrong step, and we become failures. Our view of ourselves becomes misshapen.
We are not an it. We are people, not machines. We are complex spirits with feelings, histories, stories, and varying degrees of heartaches and trauma. These stories shape our lives, and while it might be simpler to see ourselves through the lens of possibility and productivity, it’s also reductive.
It limits our potential.
In the I-thou frame of mind, learning and curiosity become the goal. Learning what you like, what works best for you, and what makes you tick is a never-ending, lifelong endeavor. There is always more to learn. Be willing to collect knowledge about yourself and the world around you. Come to understand why you feel the way you do, think in particular patterns, act on certain impulses, or how your tendencies hold you back or bounce you forward.
Practice relating to yourself as if you were a small child.
How do you need rest? What engages you? What are you curious about? What makes you smile? What makes you laugh?
Accept yourself for who you are before you ask for more. And when you ask for more, do it gently. Don’t expect so much. If you would like to get healthier, what is the easiest way for you to go about it? You can always up the ante later. And as you get better, that process happens naturally anyway.
This approach will also allow you to have more meaningful relationships with others.
Deepening your relationship with yourself creates deeper relationships with others, even beloved pets. When I’m taking care of myself, my daily walk with my dog, Gus, is less of a chore. It’s something he gives me just as much as I give him – a chance to be outside, see what’s blooming, and stop for iced coffee.
Just like baby turtles born on the beach make their way to shore, we are all here for a brief period, making our way one moment at a time.
The process is never easy, but we can make it harder than it needs to be by expecting too much, judging ourselves, and constantly feeling we aren’t good enough – the “I-it” relationship.
Just for today, find what makes you happy, take care of yourself in a way only you know how, and get to know someone (you) in a more meaningful way by practicing the I-thou perspective.
Happy travels, little turtle!
