Because to love also means to grieve, they are two sides of the same coin. When we have love (or love’s companions – hope, wishes, optimism, joyfulness), we subject ourselves to inevitable vulnerability, hurt, pain, heartache, disappointment, and pain.
It may seem that grief and love are unusual bedfellows. Grief is painful but often love’s residue. It says, “love was here” and it holds the wish that it will return. Because love doesn’t fade after loss, it keeps on going.
Often, our longings lie in our hope to be loved more fully. We hope being rich, attractive, and likable will help us gain approval and create better relationships with ourselves and others that we will fit in.
We hope that if we were different in some way, we would like ourselves more and that others would like us more, too.
To live bravely, we must not try to stave off these realities. Instead, we can learn to embrace them (or at least tolerate the pain).
When I see pictures of my 5-year-old twins during their babyhood, I feel both love and loss. It reminds me that time passes and that the appetite for time’s relentless march forward is never satisfied.
We are all reminded by the passing birthdays – especially the rounder ones – 40, 50, 60, 70, etc. The changing reflection in the mirror, the class reunions, and watching how technology is ever-changing the world we live in.
How do we make peace with Father Time to get the most out of our experience? Here are some tips to meditate on today:
1. Stop caring what other people think. It’s their opinion, and often it has nothing to do with you. Other people’s criticisms of you often say more about them than you.
2. Similarly, let go of trying to do it all perfectly, you never will. Being perfect is boring anyway.
3. If you fail, it’s no big deal. So you took a shot, and it didn’t work out? These things happen. You probably learned much about yourself that might be more valuable to your supreme destiny than success.
4. Connect more deeply—with yourself, with nature, and with others. Notice the people around you, notice the season you are in, and partake fully in life, even if it is only in passing.
5. Read number 4 again, close your eyes, and take a breath. What really makes you happy? Who do you most enjoy spending time with? How can you do more of what you enjoy?
6. Life is a circle; try to return to your childhood self and give yourself the things you enjoyed most as a child. Is there something your childhood self wants that your adult self to provide?
7. Love yourself. It sounds simple, but your relationship with yourself is just like any other—you will face inevitable disappointments, heartaches, and longings, but try to like the person you are. If you don’t, make some changes so you enjoy your own company more fully.
8. Learn from your dog. Your dog doesn’t care how many times you messed up today or whether you are living up to your full potential; they are just happy to see you and think you are great.
9. Learn from your cat. Your cat is not working so hard to gain other people’s approval. They don’t care what anyone thinks; they say, “Feed me, love me, now leave me.”
10.
The grass is not greener on the other side; the grass is greener where you water it.
